While thinking about the purpose of this new blog, I finally "got" why I decided to become a coach. I don't have answers for anybody. I have questions. Coaches ask questions to help you uncover your own wisdom and knowing. I have questions to ask you about you and your patterns. How do they entangle or liberate you? I have questions about your needs. Do you know it's ok to have them and speak of them? How do you fill them? Do you know what they are? I didn't. How do your behaviors block you or move you forward? Do you know what needs are they serving? I didn't. Do you know it's ok to have and set healthy boundaries to care for yourself and your time? I didn't. Can you share the truth of who you are and what you feel with others? I couldn't.
I was too scared and felt unsafe being me for too many years and used drugs and alcohol to dampen and numb that fear so I could manage life with less sensitivity and more bravado. The armor I surrounded myself with was held firmly in place with (and grew out of) core negative beliefs about myself and the world and impeded my ability to truly connect with people, especially in romantic relationships. Learning about attachment styles and healing myself towards Secure was the giant leap I needed to dismantle the well-worn armor and false beliefs about unworthiness, not-enoughness, undeservingness, and many other core negative beliefs (core wounds) that get in the way of experiencing love and companionship, but most importantly the relationship with myself.
Becoming a coach helped me come home to myself. With each question I asked myself in learning to become a coach and uncover the core wounds and unmet needs that drove my sadness, anxiety and anger(especially anger), I got one step closer to the door of my undefended heart. Each breath I took that helped me stay in my body, helped me stay present with myself and not numb. Each movement I made that helped move and process emotions in a healthy way through and out of my body, helped me embody my spirit instead of dissociate as I did in the past. I learned I am safe with myself and my emotions and I can handle all of them. I don't have to check out and go numb. I can stay and be present with myself to see, hear, and feel the truth of what is going on inside of me at any given time. Isn't that what we all want in some respect? To be truly seen, heard, and understood? We have to be willing to do that with ourselves first.
That is why I am passionate about helping people come home to themselves. For too long many of us have been out in the cold to ourselves, with frozen hearts. Our needs cast aside, our boundaries overrun, and our hearts defended with spikes that point inside as well as outside. When the armor can be dismantled in a safe and respectful manner (it is there for a very good reason) and the core negative beliefs and unmet needs driving behaviors discovered, we are on our way to discovering the truth, pure beauty, and strength of our undefended hearts. We are on our way home to ourselves.
To be able rest in this truth, beauty, and eternal strength from time to time is like drinking from a pristine oasis when we've been out in the hot, searing, blistering desert of our own self-hatred or indifference towards ourselves for too long. It's a journey not for the faint of heart. It takes hard work and a willingness to look into the shadows and not only see what's there, but actively work to reprogram it again and again and again. Old habits die hard, but we are stronger than our old programming. Luckily for us, we are brilliant, resilient, strong, smart, loving, worthy, and deserving of the life we truly want. The one our hearts know is possible. We can do this. Are you ready?
In this blog I will share some of my own struggles and the things that have helped me move through and heal them. Maybe they will help you, too. I will also be posting free resources in the form of short videos teaching MindBody Medicine Skills -and other things such as Creative Healing- that I find essential to health and wellbeing. Use what you like and disregard the rest. Share liberally:)